is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
