roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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