Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
