I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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