I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
