Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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