Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
