i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
