Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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