Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
