One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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