D3 body, D1 cock
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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