I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
