Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
