Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
