Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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