i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
