If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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