how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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