my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
