I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
