his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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