Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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