i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
