Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Help. Why am I so naked?
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