last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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