1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
