Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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