are you so shy because you have an std?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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