Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
