I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
