You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
