Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
