theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
