just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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