I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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