he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
