Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
