I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
did i just pee glitter
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
