this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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