I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
