I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
