Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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