i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Naked Twister starts at high noon
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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