Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
