My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
