I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
