Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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