Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
