How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just found puke in my bra..
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
