I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
