I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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