so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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