Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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