all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
