He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
