Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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